We are bombarded with messages and advertisements that remind us that we aren't good enough as we are. 

We need to be less fat, fitter, thinner, or more muscular. 

Fitness was supposed to be about increasing our health and personal well-being, wasn't it? 

Somehow it has manifested into a way of sexualizing our bodies and demanding attention from online and real-life followers. 

The values that these images project are cultivating their way into our culture and our beliefs, changing our way of life. 

I know because it happened to me.

Ladylifter.

I donned the nickname when I began lifting at 14 years old, chasing a physique and living a strict lifestyle that revolved around achieving my dream of becoming a muscular goddess. I thought that once I achieved it, I would finally find happiness. 

Sure, I looked healthy, acted confident, and seemed happy. But was I?

My goals would have looked a bit like this:

• save money for a competition suit

• hire a coach

• build 10lbs more muscle

• compete in a bodybuilding show

Brilliant goals, but it is sad to think that at 14 my life was centered around the way people would judge me standing on stage in a bikini with a fake tan. 

Attention is great motivation, and it certainly was for me. 

We post what we want people to see- our happy moments, our best selfies, our best body angles, our best looking food, and our best and most luxurious items. 

We reveal intimate parts of our lives and ourselves. 

We feel gratified by virtual likes and virtual followers.

And not surprisingly, this attention is also great fuel for fitness- for years it made me train harder, run longer and spend more time focusing on my appearance.

I trained and trained and trained, and one day I had finally achieved the physique I wanted. 

But there was much more than met the eye to just a girl who liked to lift weights.

I became engrossed in the attention I received and stopped training for me. I told myself that I needed to record my ‘journey’ for the world to see because it would keep me accountable. Instead, it lead to stalkers, anxiety issues, and an obsession with myself. I stopped talking to my friends and family and stopped caring about school. The rest of my life was put on the back burner as I became consumed with ‘fitness’ and seeking attention.

It got to a point where if no one was at the gym, I would leave because there was no one there to watch me. I couldn’t train in any empty gym because if no one was there to see my workout, it never happened. If I didn’t post on Instagram or Tumblr about something fitness related, my efforts in the gym weren’t valid. 

People had to know, and they had to care. 

What I received was indeed attention, but what I lost in the process was something no amount of training could ever get back.

I damaged relationships with everyone in my life, my self-image, and my mental health. I gave up on things that I was passionate about. I let people use me and forgot that I had any value as a person.

In the past two years I have spent time in and out of the gym, never fully committing to it the way I once did. Somehow, fitness felt like the enemy. 

It is difficult to train your mind to find a new motivation for something when you had become so accustomed to doing it for others.

Which leaves only one thing:

Me. 

My health, endurance, speed, agility…and my happiness. 

I have slowly learned how to disengage the people around me and focus on myself in the gym, but I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I am enjoying the challenge and the changes I am seeing in my mentality and self-image. 

I have an enormous amount of respect for all athletes, body builders and those in the fitness industry, but to untrained eyes and minds, some of the images they portray can be dangerous. There is a huge difference between helpful training videos and a close-up video of a someone's ass while they do wide-leg squats in thin tights on a smith machine. I want to know how I can be healthier and prepared to fight off a zombie in case of apocalypse, not increase my sex appeal, thanks. 

The images that we see plastered across social media, print advertising, and television that remind us that our bodies aren't good enough really worry me. These ideas are affecting us more and more and at younger ages than ever before, thanks to technology. No one, but especially young people, should be subject to seeing this crap all the time. 

These ridiculous ideologies are unnoticeably slipping themselves into our brains and we accept them as the truth. 

Something needs to change, and fast.

Do we really need to diet to lose those 10 extra pounds in order to be valued and liked? 

Being skinny, fit, or less fat won’t make me happier. I was miserable when I achieved my 'goal body'. I’m much bigger now and certainly happier than when I was obsessed with my body. I can't say there is a correlation between the two, but I see how important balance in all areas of my life is. 

Working on improving in all areas of my life has made me happier than defined muscles and a posing suit ever could!

Those ten extra pounds are our mornings breakfast dates at our favorite coffee spot. 

They are the Ben and Jerry's we enjoy with the girls while watching Nicholas Spark's latest tear-jerker. 

They are the Thanksgiving dinners where we eat way too much of  Mom's pumpkin pie (with extra Cool Whip).

They are the spontaneity in our lives, and saying yes to experiencing things with the people we love and not needing to constantly police ourselves. 

Those ten extra pounds remind me that I am human and imperfect, and that I have found the will to accept myself as I am, something that I have been searching for my whole life.