I've been asked the question too many times to count:
"Do you think that you could be happy here?"
Perhaps you have moved far away from home (maybe even to a new country) to attend school, like I have, or maybe you are close enough that you can drive home when you need a dosage of your childhood to remind you of where you grew up. Whatever your case may be, you have probably felt lonely at times and missed "home".
These days, I still head off to the library to study, but I find myself tuning into Bob Ridley as he commentates on the Tiger's Game, feeling a sense of being Canadian as I sip from my Timmie's mug. When I lived in Canada, I never understood how the people who had moved there didn't feel the way that I did; it wasn't all I had ever known, but somehow it had been engrained into me. I had always had a very open mind and I was curious about all sorts of things- and other cultures were no exception. I was used to "belonging", and I didn't even know it.
Communication Accommodation Theory tells us that there are both in and out-groups within our worlds, meaning the people who "belong" in a space, and the people who come there who "don't belong". The theory evaluates how people will respond in conversation, either becoming more like the person, or shying away.
This can help explain some of the things that we, as new students, and other people who are new to any space, have encountered.
Convergence is when we become more like the in-group, and change our language (both physically and linguistically) to fit in better. You might have experienced this when you went to order food or greet a stranger and what you heard come out of your mouth surprised you! I talk about the car park, the telly and say "how ya going", more than I'd ever dreamed I would. Maybe you even started to dress more like your peers, trading your hoodies in for bunnyhugs, and your sweaters in for jumpers.
But as we grow closer to new groups of people, we sometimes feel distant from our roots.
Divergence explains our tendency to shy away and protect our social identity, and make no effort to reduce social distance. When we come into a new culture this can be viewed negatively, since it is perceived that we are not making enough effort to "fit in" or to to learn the language, and this can cause a power difference. It is quite understandable to see why one might see someone who refuses to experience our culture as being a bit silly- after all, we all carry a certain bit of patriotism within us.
Which brings me to another point.
In all of my life, I have never felt Canada to be a country full of patriotic people. Looking to America, our neighbor, I often thought that Americans really did know what it meant to stand for something; I realized that I have always been looking from an insider's perspective when I believed that we simply lay quietly in the shadows of the US. But as I think about my home I realize this: we love our Coors Light, our maple syrup, and especially our Tim Hortons. We watch a lot of hockey, we wear toques, and we know that somedays, shoveling once every hour is just a reality... because it just keeps coming.
It is undeniable that some of us will always feel more at home in a certain place... For many of us, there is no place like home. But more and more, I see how much the feeling of family and community brings us together. When we balance divergence with convergence, and we begin to see how nice it is just to be together and learn that there is so much more out there than we ever could have imagined.
Divergence is important because it solidifies our identity- without it, we would not have diversity; we would not have such an exquisite range of cultures and communities. I urge you that when you are in a new place, you balance your feelings about missing your roots with being open minded enough to learn everything you can about where you are and the people you are around.
It is never wrong to love the things that are close to your heart -but a close-minded person is one that misses out on the opportunity to learn, and misses out on connections that could have been made because they were unwilling to open their heart. Be considerate, and think about how you would feel if you were in the position of familiarity and someone refused to try your way of life because they insitied that everything was just better where they came from.
To answer the popular question, I will say this. I believe that home is what you make it. You can find home in a person, a place, a country, or perhaps, something else completely. If you surround yourself with enough things that bring you joy, any place can start to feel like home. Try to make the most of it and keep an open heart.
- Kel
"We travel because we need to, because distance and difference are the secret tonic of creativity. When we get home, home is still the same. But something in our mind has been changed, and that changes everything."
-Jonah Lehrer
