Which brings me to today, April 4, 2017. Where do I begin?
Last week while cleaning out my closet I did something I thought I would never do...
I got rid of my precious Lululemons. My muscle shirts. The shirts that I spent hundreds of dollars on just to wear an expensive brand name and feel important in. The tops that displayed so much of what I had put years of work in to achieve. Just writing that gives me chills.
I've had a love/hate relationship with these shirts ever since I stopped bodybuilding and lost most of that muscle. Don't get me wrong, I love Lululemon and I think that their clothes are, for the most part, great quality, and great to train in. But what they represented for me was something different. I think that getting rid of them was something I needed to do to move forward and say farewell for once and for all.
You bet it felt liberating!
As I've explained before, I took a couple years off training. I trained here and there, back and forth, and attempted different sports and different diets. I yo-yo'd a bit and even tried my hand at powerlifting and olympic lifting. Nothing ever felt quite right.
I feel like I've come full-circle in this journey of fitness, and realised that what I really wanted to train for was my health.
Nowadays I train in my nicely over sized long sleeve. I don't wear makeup. I roll out of bed and don't even bother walking past the mirror. If my old self could see this, she would be horrified!
I make time to make a healthy breakfast and lunch for the day, and then I get ready with whatever time I have left, and not the other way around like it used to be. Some days this results in not having time to put makeup on or do my hair as I usually would have, and I've beginning to love it. I have never felt so accepting of myself.
The best part of this is that by caring more about my health and less about my outward appearance, I feel and look better from the inside out. My skin looks healthier. I have more energy... I am happier.
I no longer have this burden of needing to update 'followers' on my fitness blog, or feeling like I need to color-coordinate my workout clothes. I stopped following accounts that promoted unhealthy lifestyles. I don't force myself to train, either. I wake up in the morning and I feel like training! I never imagined that I would feel like that in my life. A huge hurdle I've had to overcome is that 'training' doesn't always need to mean spending 2 hours in the gym. Sometimes I go for a big walk on the beach, or I swim at the university pool. Sometimes I go for a run. But never do I 'force' myself to do an activity. I train how and when I feel like it.
I feel very fortunate to have so many strong and influential people in my life. I have seen the results of healthy eating first-hand and how much it can change a person. As a result, I've dramatically changed the way I eat and try to avoid non-vegan foods as much as I can. So far I have been feeling better than I have in years, and have no more stomach or muscle pain.
I'm on a journey to re-gain my health after struggling mentally and physically for many years. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying. This journey is not about weight loss or muscle growth. It's about feeling better from the inside out.
If you are interested in learning more I highly recommend checking out Michelle Bishop on Instagram or Facebook. She is an incredible woman with a very strong message! I used to idolize her when I was bodybuilding and she was too. In recent times she has come out to explain why she left that life behind and the happiness she has found. I have so much admiration for her because of her transparency and openness. Thank you, Michelle!
